Literature. Littérature.

A singularly remarkable feature of all online ‘for-profit’ courses is the absence of literature. It is as if the purpose of learning a language is to somehow manage to converse in that language when you visit the country for a fortnight, if that. C’est dommage! That’s a pity!

Perhaps I am being too harsh. After all, most of the courses are aimed at beginners. Introducing literature at a very early stage may actually turn away potential learners. But on the other hand, what prevents these courses from introducing small, simple stories at an early stage? These stories can support the language elements taught in the courses. The stories need not start from chapter one. They can start from the 10th chapter if that makes sense. What is needed is imagination.

Just to clarify, I am not talking of courses that are woven around situations. Almost all courses do that in one way or another. If I were to design a French course it would teach language elements and finish it off with a easy-read story. Perhaps, some day I will.

And small, simple stories need not always be children’s stories! With a little imagination good short, simple stories can be written for adult learners too, don’t you think? Ne pensez-vous? If the French course designers do not wish to exert too much, all they need to do is take appropriate extracts from numerous short stories written by Balzac or Maupassant.

Home. Chez Nous.

The builders in Bangalore have been bitten by the French bug. Or else they think having a French name as an address makes their buildings more saleable. French name in India? Saleable? Whatever!

Chez Nous is the name of a building apartment in Bangalore. I wonder how the residents of the building dictate their address to the local public. Do they actually pronounce it correctly and then tell the spelling and then explain that this is a French word?

The conversation between a resident and a plumber would go something like this:

“Hello, this is P the Plumber.”
“Hello, P. The pipe has burst open and I want you to come as soon as possible.”
“Ok! What is the address.”
“Shay Noo. Richmond Road.”
“Where???”
“Shayz noos. On Richmond Road.”
“Why didn’t you say so in the first place. Ok. Will be there in one hour – traffic permitting.”

Ain't I being snooty today.

Anchovy. Anchois.

3 Americans and one India eating Italian in a French restaurant. Weird! But wait it gets weirder.
We chose to go à la carte. I wanted to eat Pizza. The first was a Margarita. Hmm… I would prefer something better; not some plain Pizza Margarita. They were paying anyways. But what was Pizza aux anchois?
“Anchovies”.
I had no idea what anchovy was. But I could not appear dumb before my American hosts! So I ordered Pizza aux Anchois. I don’t remember what my hosts ordered.
“Great choice!”
The pizza arrived. On it were 6 fishes arranged. I didn’t realize that anchovies are fishes and I don’t even eat fish!
I must have stared at the dish for a long time since one of my hosts asked me what the matter was. I told him that I do not eat fish.
“Then why did you order anchovies?”
No answer.
Another recommended that I scrape the fishes off and dig into the pizza. And I did. I almost puked. The taste of the fishes had permeated straight into the bread! My hosts almost fell off the chair laughing. The maître d'hôtel came anxiously to ask what the matter was.
I finally got a Margarita to eat.
Of all fishes, I am told, anchovies are the smelliest; even among fish eaters it is an acquired taste.
Guess which is the first word I learnt in French when I started learning the language?
Yeah! You got that right: Anchovy = Anchois.